I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
