How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize