drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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