Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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