after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
