It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
