i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
