Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Small penises have feelings too.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
