He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
