now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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