so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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