Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
