What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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