omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
