oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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