how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
