Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
