Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
