I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
