she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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