i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
