whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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