just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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