last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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