you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
