pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
