my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm both gender and math confused
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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