ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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