worst night to have a conscience
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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