Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
