you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
