I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
