it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
