how can u be prego again
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
