So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
