I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
