This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
