i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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