My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
