So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
