I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
