Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
