What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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