Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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