Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
