# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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