I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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