when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
