Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
