how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
