I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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