using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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