I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
