So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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