i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
