I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
40s are totally the cure
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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