I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
