Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
