its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We have started to decorate penises.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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