I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
