thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
