Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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