Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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