ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
