I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
