I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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