his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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