It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
