If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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