every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
