She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he thought i was a dude.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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