i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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