I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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