Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
