If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just want nice things and good sex
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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