no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
