Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
