You smell like a Billy Joel song
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
