i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
