I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize