I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
