I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
