this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
