I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
