Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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