I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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